Who Am I This Time?*

The long version of my profile description:

This is the transparent blog of Chelvanaya B. Gabriel. That is to say, I am not hiding my online identity here because the things I have to say are meant to be heard, not archived on the web and thought of as random web commentary amidst the sea of such things.

The things I will say are simply thoughts on the world, on film, on collaborative projects, on writing, and anything else that seems relevant to me (or to you - just ask and I'll see what I can do).

I am a "recovering chemist" because that is an identity that I held so dearly for so long and yet now I am quite sure that chemistry is not what defines me as a human being. LOL It did for a time, and it was a good thing. Note: I live near Martha Stewart's house and I am told by my father that perhaps she has an influence on us New Englanders such that we are bound to say things like "it's a good thing"...

Now, I define myself far more broadly, some would say loosely, as in perhaps I no longer have direction. And yet, that is so subjective. I am not working for "The Man" any longer - am not making the "big bucks" as a lab monkey, helping to bolster Pfizer or Merck's bottom line. But that - to me - is not direction, it's static. It's dull and exploitative and saps the soul out of you. Working for anyone other than yourself or your family or your community (including non-profit work), it's soul-sucking, soul-destroying, soul-twisting, soul-perverting work. And I'm not interested in occupying that place in the world any longer.

Mind you, it means considerably less financial security but it also means spending time with my family. It means reconnecting with me, rediscovering who I was and who I am and who I want to be. Questions that you cannot possibly hear when you are running the "rat race". The pounding of your own feet is too loud. The thunderous pounding of all the other souls on this planet who run with you, ahead of you and behind you is not only deafening, it's downright eardrum-shattering.

Anyway, enough metaphors. Enough cliches. The point is - I once was a chemist. But I also once was, and am once again, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a friend. I am once again a creator of things: a writer and an artist; a person who sees things others do not; hears things others ignore; shares this vision, this hearing, with others as a fellow artist and as a storyteller/creator of visual art.

*Apologies to our dearly departed Kurt Vonnegut for the title of this section. The short story and Jonathon Demme's tv movie with Susan Sarandon and Christopher Walken :) still have a direct and powerful influence on who I am. I couldn't have predicted it, but it makes sense.

For that last line I have Dr. Peter Setlow at the University of CT Health Center to thank. What a great guy. One can never look upon gluconeogenesis the same way ever again after listening to him. Nay, _experiencing_ his lectures.